i'm with you, treshappy...i just didn't buy it anymore. since they'd had me since i was a zygote, it never occurred to me to question, hell, questions weren't allowed. it was like i finally grew up and when i looked at the watchtower fairytale with open, adult eyes, i couldn't believe it anymore than i could believe in the easter bunny. if someone had come to my door with the 'truth' when i was an adult, (without all those years of childhood indoctrination) i never would've believed it, or wanted a study.
for me the first 'last straw' was when the elders told me that the life of my miscarried babies was inconsequential to god, that they had 'no hope' for a future on earth or in heaven. "But," i wanted to scream "you say abortion is wrong and yet my babies don't matter?" that was the beginning of the end. I was 21.
The final last straw..by 25 i no longer had any faith in it at all, my father in law was a PO and i saw up close the curruption in the elder body/system of government of the congregations, and though there are good men struggling with what they see (who i believe eventually leave it themselves) the rest all just take the cowards way out and look the other way when women and children are being abused.
i want no part of any organization that has a conspiracy of silence. i will never, ever be a part of any organized religion again. i think they're all a crock.
this is why no matter how bad it hurts for my family to shun me, i can't go back. i can't un-know what i know, and i can't force the lies down anymore. i think many in my family have doubts, and shoving them down is making them all physically sick. it's their fear that keeps them in, i guess i realized that my biggest fear was living a life made useless by fear of men. i'm not afraid of god, and that puzzles them all beyond belief.
...probably making no sense this morning...
essies ghost
